I am not much of a coffee or tea drinker myself so needless to say am not much of a coffee connoisseur…. But today as I am sitting in my cube and sipping a hot cuppa coffee, makes me feel that getting the right taste, right blend and right temperature is so important and it just gives you the much needed wake-up-kick on a sleepy morning! Well how difficult is it to make the right cup of coffee…. ??
The other day I was at Starbucks or maybe it was Caribou Café, I don’t remember…. Well all I can say is choosing a cup of coffee in these places, I feel, is a test of your intelligence, dignity and a will to taste something different, which might not necessarily be good! I have been to these coffee places quite a few times now, but still every time I am perplexed and lost looking at their menu. Going through the whole array of lattes, mochas, cappuccinos…. I finally make a choice of a hot cup of cappuccino…hoping to God that it is good. I pay the change at the counter and wait for the guy to mix up the drink. I know it almost sounds as if I am waiting for the bartender to mix up the cocktail for me…. Well that’s how complicated the whole thing seems to me. He winks at me and promises that I will be getting the best cappuccino on this side of the Des Plaines river (I am realllly bad at geography… but he doesn’t need to know that). I just smile back, waiting for him to start asking me questions I cannot answer. He asks me “Hot or cold?” I say “Hot!”. He asks me …”Milk?”. I nod my head and then he goes “Half and half, Skimmed or Fat free?” …. So I choose skimmed milk, really happy that I could answer the questions without too much trouble. He got the hot milk from one of the machines and then he put in the cappuccino blend in it …. And I was kinda relieved we were done and he would hand over the cup to me. But no… he asked me “Want it sweet?”… I said “Yes!”. He nodded and left, just to come back and ask me “What kind of sweetener would you like?”. I was at a loss – trying to think hard, what kind of sweeteners exist other than sugar… jaggery ?? honey ?? … wait… no I don’t want all that in my cup of coffee….!! I tried to look behind him, maybe I could read the names off the hundreds of jars behind him…. Well it was too late, and he realized I didn’t know what to say… and he asked me with a smirk “Will sugar do?” … I bit my lip and said “Yeah sounds good!!”…. That made me feel as small as a bug lying on the grass. Immediately he asked me “How many packets of sugar?” …. Well it was not even a fair question, cos I don’t know how strong the coffee was … so was thinking what to tell him…. Apparently he grew impatient and said “One, two, five, ten…?? Then I said “I like my coffee sweet… so maybe 3-4.” By this time, I had a triumphant look on my face, cos I was sure that after that question, he had probably figured me out and would not ask any further questions and just give me my cup of coffee ‘cos he looked as if he was getting very impatient. “Do you want any syrup in the coffee?” After that question I was feeling that I should have gone into the Coldstone ice cream bar next door and chosen a ice cream instead of standing here and getting intimidated. So I said “No.”… then he came up with another question … “Do you want a shot of cinnamon in it?”. How on earth would I know how cinnamon would taste in the coffee that I chose… so I decided to minimize the torture both of us were going through and said “Yes”. I don’t even know why I said yes .. I meant to say no… but I guess no turned to a yes by the time it came out of my mouth.
By this time the lady behind me in the line gave me a dirty look, as I was taking so long for my cupful and to my bad luck there was just one guy who was making coffee in the store.
“Do you want whipped cream on it?”
I was exasperated by this time… I had a good mind to tell him to keep the coffee for himself and drink it …. But then I controlled all my tormenting emotions inside of me and politely said – “No” hoping this would end as soon and as painlessly as possible. Finally, he gave me a big smile (he somehow managed a fake one), put the lid on the cup and gave it to me “Here it is !!”. I was sure I heard a sigh of relief as I left. And decided for the twentieth time, that from here on will learn to make a good cup of coffee at home and will never come back to any of these stores and let my self respect take a dip.
As luck would have it, as soon as I walked off…. I realized that the lid was broken… I contemplated whether I should go back to the guy… gathering myself and all the dignity that was left in me … I went up to him and said the lid is broken…. He managed to give me one without asking any questions … ‘cos I was ready for a question – “You want the pink one or the blue one?” …. Pahh!! That’s how irritated I was.
So I left the store and took the first sip, hoping that the coffee would allay all the anger and frustration… only to get my tongue horribly burnt. The coffee was too hot … too strong and too bitter …. I forced a couple of sips into me … then just threw it away into the next trash bin…. And entered the coldstone icecream bar!!…… now that’s a whole new story altogether!!!
--Moi
